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3 dream fragments

August 19, 2019


I’m driving on a road, and notice a big river is coming up. Traffic on the bridge is stopped. “Railroad crossing” gates descend, so no one else on the road ahead of me gets on the bridge.

The bridge begins rising — it’s a drawbridge.

I’m switching my gaze between the yellow pickup truck that is sensibly parked at the gates, and the vehicles on the bridge … how are they adhering to the pavement?! Isn’t gravity going to pull them down?

When the drawbridge reaches its maximum height (something ludicrous like an 80 degree angle), the vehicles accelerate from a standing stop (!) and jump the gap (!!).

How do they not fall into the water below? How could they start? It’s bonkers, but they cross in orderly rows of lanes of traffic.

One “vehicle” I hadn’t noticed before, but I see it making the jump, is a commuter train … even weirder, it lands into a deep pool of water, on the opposite side of the bridge, and (like an eel) swims away?!?


8.18 A

There’s a big family gathering at my maternal grandmother’s house; unexpectedly, a bunch of my paternal cousins are there too: I see Jared on the stairs, going the other way; I fall into conversation with Maggie, a year my elder.

I tell her it’s surprisingly difficult to fill up all the free time I have had since I ‘retired’ in my 40s. Here I am, 10 years on, and still struggling.

I realize as I’m talking to her that much-younger Mea (who was often depressed) filled up excesses of time by sleeping, and reading. Having demanding jobs and an enmeshed family consumed the remainder, such that I didn’t even have time (or emotional energy) available to make art.

Now I have time, and sometimes I even have energy, but what’s the point?


8.18 B

I’m conversing with someone about a particular Marvel movie. This guy is disgruntled about how some object morphed into Yggdrasil, but no review he’s seen even mentions that. He’s annoyed Yggdrasil has been disrespected, again.

Me? I’m inwardly ecstatic that someone else recognizes Yggdrasil is, in fact, a character.




I’ve been aware for the last month or two that I’m in the midst of a major Positive Disintegration. It feels disruptive and prickly enough to rival the one I experienced when we moved to Maryland in 2008.

I’m guessing that I’ve finally processed and worked through all of that aftermath, but now my conscious mind is catching up to the fact that I have to assess what this phase of my life is about.


Good Omens has been helping me embrace inner selves of various genders. Instead of imagining from the outside what that might could be like, I’m embodying different identities (in small doses). Then reevaluating my past, and family history — not just my own.

I’m working on a new name for one of the personas.

I’m aggregating the new Welsh and British poetry knowledge into my trove of Celtic literature and languages.

I think maybe I have become a scholar after all.



Air and Water.


When I feel ready, I’ll be ready.

[Since I don’t feel ready with BMR, I’ll abstain this time.]


I’m choosing whom to spend my time with more wisely than before. I don’t want advice and I definitely don’t want a critique of my feelings. I want someone who listens, and lets me figure out for myself what’s important.



[Y’s been part of my personal pantheon since circa 1978. Long before I knew the word “pantheon”.]

Trees as characters.

Seen and unseen.



More 4’s.

Change is coming.


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