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emptying, releasing

March 24, 2015

Usually when I say, “I stayed up all night”, it means, ‘I stayed up until 5, or 5:30 a.m., but then I went to bed, and slept until noon or so’. But last night, I stayed up all night. At 6:58 a.m., I left the apartment for a walk in the woods; I walked further than I ever have, along 2 different paths. I was gone for 80 minutes. Walking back up the hill, I stumbled with weariness. I ‘went to bed’ at 9-ish, but slept only for < 3 hours.

More mourning, grief, over old/new losses.

My whole blogroll needed to go away — I guess my (previous) Ritual Death hadn’t been drastic enough.

I found sustenance, and I am stronger than I have ever been. I can do these hard things. I have survived worse.

Let go. Let go. Let go.

I am unmade.

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