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my day in Danville

March 20, 2015

Getting Lost is a rite of passage for me, and I managed it, twice … despite 2 maps Spouse hand-drew.

  • Parked in CVS lot, a block from the hospital where we spent days last summer.
  • Ephraim McDowell House and Museum Gift Shop open, so I poked around. Passed up on bourbon balls, and apple butter.
  • Burke’s Bakery & Deli for a dozen cookies: ½ pecan with dots of pink icing; ½ chocolate chip.
  • Maple Tree Gallery for handled basket in Lifesaver colors; looked at honey from Frankfort, mug with yellow-orange design on white, and flowery-design outdoor mats.
  • The Hub Coffee House and Café: large medium-roast coffee; then, chicken-mushroom melt sandwich (which tasted mostly of Swiss cheese and onions), dill pickle, and side order of potato salad. Male barista’s t-shirt read: “Autism is my superpower.” Forgot to visit Centre College Bookstore next door.
  • Pies for You and Cookies Too — closed today, so no Shaker Lemon Pie.
  • Derby Shoppe and Raggs for BLUE trumpet skirt (on sale, 60% off) & multi-colored scarf. Mentioned I was visiting from out of town because I know I don’t look like I’m “from around here”. (Pep talk to myself in dressing room: “just because their clientele are clearly 5’4” and shorter, doesn’t mean I am an elephant.”)
  • Community Arts Center — just looked around building (avoided special exhibit: Gamecraft).
  • Elmwood Inn Fine Teas because there were so many pretty teapots in the window. Tasted ginger-orange herbal tea. Sniffed samples of orange-vanilla, and a heavenly strawberry-kiwi. (Thought to come back with Spouse tomorrow, but they’re only open M–F.)
  • Did not find Dollhouse Museum, but had a nice walk looking for it. What I took for hawthorn berries from a distance were actually Norway maple flowers! Some planted-in-yards daffodils blooming, but tulips were still only leaves. Magnolia (?) flower buds, but no leaves. Songbirds and squirrels.
  • Looked in on hair salon. Decided not to risk it.
  • CVS for a nail clipper, and a bottle of apple juice.

Back at the house, jumped right into caring for MIL (with Spouse), in FIL’s absence. (FIL at pharmacy, picking up more prescriptions.)

Likely will do laundry tonight.

Tomorrow it’s supposed to be in the 60s here. Spouse isn’t supposed to have to work, so I’m hoping we two can go somewhere.

+++

Plenty of uncomfortable thoughts so far:

I need to stop obsessing over being/not being likable. There’s never been any benefit to it, so it’s a colossal waste of energy. Also, it makes me feel terrible.

Sometimes there are no good choices.

Sometimes I know just what to say, although I can’t figure out where/when/how I could have learned these particular things. “Emotionally true in this moment” trumps Absolute Truth (if there even is such a thing).

Even though I told Spouse, “When X Happens, I can feel myself Getting Smaller”, and that is exactly how I felt both this time (and last time), … it makes no sense that I should feel physically diminished by someone else being annoying/thoughtless. Their actions in whichever direction cannot make me smaller. That crap is Mrs. Nocerino, or my mother, or some other garbage from somebody else heaping shame on my head, but it’s not true. My self-hood is not contingent upon other people agreeing with it.

Thank goodness I had my books sent here! Liz Lerman’s Hiking the Horizontal is excellent, and giving me lots of juicy ideas to digest.

Somebody sent a pot of plants to my MIL 2 days ago, and I couldn’t stop stroking the (unnaturally shiny) leaves. In the 22 years I’ve known my in-laws, there has never ever ever been a houseplant inside their house. Only then did I realize, “They’ve never really known the Real Me, because the Real Me has plants, and they don’t like plants. The Real Me has songbirds and squirrels and spiders, and they don’t like any of those either. Aarrgghhh, why am I here again? {Because it’s the Right Thing to Do, but that doesn’t mean it’s a Good Choice.}”

Spouse wants to go out for dinner because he can’t face another turkey sandwich, and hey, neither can I.

Time to go.

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