Skip to content

Mondays, remixed

January 19, 2015

When I figure out something that’s been bothering me, I have a tendency to come up with grand plans that are going to fix everything! And then reality sets in: my plans are too hard to implement. They need to be updated frequently, if not thrown out entirely. I’m stuck again — why didn’t my grand plan fix this too?

I need to (remember to) start small. What’s one thing that’s better?

Mondays in my life right now, even though I don’t have a job, start my week off with jangled nerves. Afternoons are often my most productive time of day, but Monday evenings, Spouse and I get groceries and eat dinner out. So just when I’m getting my day really started, I know it’s going to be cut short.

And sometimes, with the crazy hours Spouse has been working, I preemptively cut short my afternoon, expecting him to arrive home around 5:30. But it might actually be 6, 6:30, or even later. I could have been doing things all that time!

+++

With the idea of being my own therapist in mind, what if I devote my entire Monday — of whatever duration that ends up being — to me. As if I had an appointment with a therapist for the entire day.

I realized today, I’ve spent years going to therapists, I’ve spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours. Trying to “fix myself”. And usually, the therapist is the authority who tells me when I’m “done”. (This last time, with P, was different.)

I’ve never devoted nearly as much time, energy, or resources, to figuring out what makes the life I’m living right now work well, be satisfying, manifest joy and delight and whimsy. Why not?

Because I don’t think I’m worth it. I only earn worth if I’m constantly fixing myself. If I’m constantly demonstrating to the world what (even I) think is wrong with me.

What if I celebrate me instead? Celebrate being me?

What if these “therapist” Mondays are more like an emotional spa day? Pampering myself with whatever I want to think or muse about, brainstorm, daydream . . . No judgment. No minimizing. Just . . . exploring whatever surfaces.

+++

I think I’m going to get a special Monday coffee cup. I’m going to put something special in my Monday coffee. Start eating something special with Monday breakfast. So that the whole day not only gets off to a good start, but feels special.

Mondays, I’m going to make a fuss over myself.

{This week’s “Monday” will be tomorrow.}

Advertisements
3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 19, 2015 19:02

    I am a frightfully firm believer in taking the time one needs to spend time with yourself. Only you can know what speaks to your soul, and ultimately, that fix will allow us to be better companions in the long run.

  2. the hideous-truth-teller permalink
    January 20, 2015 03:36

    Now this gives me some strength…..even i need some ‘me’ time..the value of which i now realise…🙌

  3. January 20, 2015 08:48

    Reblogged this on Umair Aziz Ashrafi.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: