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i.k.w.i.a.

June 20, 2010

means I Know Who I Am, and it’s been my mantra of comfort for many years. As life got complicated and too intense, I would reassure myself that I still knew who I was. But lately, I’ve been wondering if that’s quite true. And if it isn’t, surely that’s a cause for wonder and happy surprise, not fear.

I’ve been hearing from parts of myself that have been lost or silenced or in hiding for 30 years. So some of the parts are old friends, but they’re finding new configurations. But I think there are also new parts, that I didn’t know I had.

I’ve been waiting for things to “settle down” so I can “catch my breath”, but maybe that’s not going to happen. Maybe Uncertainty All the Time is my new future, and present.

Gemini is ruled by Hermes/Mercury, and asks, “Who are you a voice for?” I’ve spent this month thinking very seriously about that. Because it seems most important that I first figure out how to be a voice for my selves, before I worry about speaking for anyone else. So I’m learning how to listen, and how to trust my intuition, and follow where inner authority leads. How to not let my (small) ego self run roughshod over any other selves, which it defaults to doing if I don’t pay enough attention.

I’m re-reading Inner Work by Robert Johnson, and at least I do understand orders of magnitude more about psychological alchemy, the unconscious, Jungian archetypes, etc., etc., than I did when I first read it four years ago. I’m getting much better at letting go of thinking my ego is in charge of anything. Or that it should be in charge of anything.

Now I need to read about the Moon, to prepare emotionally for Cancer, which begins tomorrow.

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