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odds and ends

June 19, 2010

Today is my sister’s birthday. I haven’t spoken to her for almost 3 years (and we were estranged for 5 years before that), but I did send her a birthday letter last year. Got no response. I almost never hear from any of my siblings for my own birthday.

Spouse’s brother has been deployed to Iraq for 6 months.

I’ve rediscovered our local library, and have been devouring books for the last several weeks. It’s so liberating to read stuff I would never buy — I can really branch out.

I’ve got a new analog egg timer that is helping me spend 15-20 minutes on certain tasks, including any computer usage. It’s working.

Had a dream a few days ago that was so unpleasant I hastened to figure it out, so I’d never have to have it again. The point seemed to be that I’ve fallen back into “settling” for stuff I don’t really want because it’s easier than (1) figuring out what I do want, and (2) working at getting that. It’s “kludging/jerry-rigging” vs. building from the bottom up. So I’m now actively seeking out Things I Actually Enjoy Doing, instead of putting up with stuff that started out being something enjoyable, but morphed into What Other People Think Is or Should Be Enjoyable (But Isn’t For Me, But It’s Easier to Go Along, Except that Now I’m Stressed Out and Don’t Want to Do It Anymore).

I’m well into peri-menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, sleep disturbances color my days and nights. I’m continually surprised by how awful I feel when my sleep is disturbed too much. And I hate waking up feeling almost as exhausted as when I went to bed.

I have a new quilting project I’ve (barely) begun.

I have a new haircut, and it looks a lot livelier than the old one, but I don’t recognize myself in the mirror.

Time’s up.

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