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deficit delurks

February 1, 2010

It’s been a rough week or so, but I kept feeling like there was some obvious piece of the puzzle that was eluding me. And yesterday, I think I found it. Well, re-discovered it.

I have Attention Deficit Disorder, but have tended to discount that as a factor in a lot of things, because I default to believing it’s well-controlled. Except that it isn’t at the moment. I do have a whole corral of “work arounds”, but they probably work best when I’m also on medication. And I decided to stop taking my medication about five years ago (because everything was working so well). Yes, I see the logical fallacy, believe me.

I grew up around a lot of people who used “magical thinking” as a coping mechanism, and I tend to fall back into it (often without realizing it) whenever I have problems or things aren’t going well. I think I’ve been doing it in this instance: if I just try really hard, I’ll (magically) become neurologically typical. Ah, if only it were that easy! But it isn’t.

So, I’ll be talking to my doctor about what my options are. I’ve also ordered several (recently-written) books on ADD, as I stopped reading about the condition around 1995.

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